Logging onto any social media site lately has been emetic for any woman, with the unfortunate overdose of #MeToo on our news feed. Sexuality is supposed to be private, and if it is selfish to say, so be it, your trauma is private as well. As a self made woman, who has never felt the need to cry about being sexually assaulted or even experienced any actual assault from the men in my life, it is encouraging watching people that I know, mustering the courage of sharing their trauma, although the cynic might question how many of these incidents are actually true. Women, just like men, lie, a lot, and sometimes the easiest way to score up in a victimhood Olympics, is to claim to be a victim.
But the question that bothered me was something different. As I dug deeper into some of these stories (and I would like to emphasise the word ‘some’) I felt a little uncomfortable with the scenarios and experiences these women were calling “assault”. Take the Sam Kriss story, the left-wing journalist and male feminist, who was accused by a fellow journalist he was dating of sexual assault and instantly his career was over. It is a special time for right wingers. Harvey Weinstein was a Hillary Clinton guy and major donor to the Democrats. In UK, Clive Lewis, Labour MP mockingly called a man a bitch, or as some transgender activists would say, a dog born with female sexual organs. Lately, another Labour MP, Jared O’Mara was done with, for some idiotic forum comments from a decade back.
It’s understandable why people get more angry at others, who claim sainthood and then fail to live through those ideals. Proud sinners, are well, proud sinners. But these careerist lads, of course grovelingly apologised, and were instantly hanged, drawn and quartered by a online lynch mob.
But then I read the details of the Sam Kriss story, in Cathy Young’s article. So, kissing on the way to a bus, after a night of binge drinking, is sexual assault? Who knew!
If you read Cathy’s piece (and you should), within the alleged victim’s story, there was not once she explicitly said “no” to Kriss, while he wanted to kiss her, and seeing that story from his side, I can understand why he kept pursuing. They were on their third date (by that time I’ve usually sussed out if I find they guy attractive or not) and if she was truly that repulsed and felt that uncomfortable, she should have simply excused herself. Kriss is not a mind reader, men usually are bad at getting hints, and some people cannot especially pick up on body language.
If I was in Kriss’s position, I would have probably done the exact same thing. Third date? Come on! Should his whole career really be in tatters because a woman went on a bad date with him and didn’t let him know the way she felt?
Now this is not to say all stories have been like this, or to say that if a woman doesn’t say anything through an ordeal, that it isn’t abuse, but maybe the lines have been blurred as to what constitutes as assault and abuse.
Let’s ban jokes! ‘More than a quarter of people surveyed had suffered harassment in the form of inappropriate jokes. https://t.co/DlSnXtWPJl
— Joanna Williams (@jowilliams293) October 25, 2017
Speaking from experience, I’ve been on some really rubbish dates with guys who come across creepy and if I’m frank, pretty desperate and persistent. Simple thing to do, is to say, no, go home. And block them after that. And MOVE ON. I’m fortunate enough to have not been in a forced position, an anguish I would never want any person to go through, and is never, ever excusable, but there is a difference between feeling uncomfortable, and being assaulted. Otherwise, if everything is sexual assault, then telling a dirty joke in a pub would be equivalent to the tortures Yazidi women faces at the hands of ISIS for the last three years.
None of this needs the wild torrent of judgement and discrimination that this idiotic and infantalising hashtag has inflicted on all men. We all know that currently, there are opportunist attention seekers hiding behind their keyboards, out to hurt the world, who is to say some of them are jumping on the band wagon and ruining careers and reputations? When victimhood is a trophy, as in modern Western society, who’s to guarantee that all of the claims are truthful? Where’s the common law and justice? How will this gender war end, and what if there’s a backlash? Modern feminism wants to see men and women as biologically similar and looks down on the idea of chivalry and mutual respect, no wonder that men and women see each other as rivals, and the worst instincts come out from both sides. From Harvey Weinstein to Sam Kriss, these are symptoms, not cause, of the society that has been created since the 1960s.
The women who are against this hashtag are mostly women who have been through the anguish of rape and sexual assault from men, but are still standing up for their brothers, fathers and sons who aren’t sexual deviants. When some women are branding simple compliments as sexism or sexual assault, no wonder our modern dating has changed to Tinder.
If this is our road to equality, we have definitely made a wrong turn somewhere along the way.